To Be Human
by astrau
Summary: Every sentient being needs praise, recognition and …love


**To Be Human**

**Disclaimer: The turtles belong to Kevin Eastman, Peter Laird, Nickelodeon and not to me for obvious reasons.**

**Joint project of shimbashka/astrau**

"_To be human is to be beautifully flawed"_

_**Eric Wilson**__**, **__**October Baby**_

When Leo joined the company of his brothers on the couch, the movie was already running. Skimpily dressed princess Leia was looking forlornly at her knees and Jabba the Hut was cackling noisily. OK, so Mikey again had chosen to watch the Star Wars, original trilogy; they had a full set of almost undamaged DVD discs that Donnie had found during one of his junkyard runs a few years ago.

Raph was yawning openly. He was more Bruce Lee movie sort of a guy, choosing action, fists and broken teeth over the convoluted plots, suspense and drama. (Those movies, they had them in spades too, in addition to the badly subtitled Shaw Brothers videotapes that the turtles sometimes used to extract from the Chinatown's dumpsters).

Mikey was happily smiling, dwelling in the land of the mindless bliss, at least until the moment when the blue screen of the ancient TV started to flicker violently.

"Damn,"Raph half raised from his seat. He knew that sometimes the fastest way to repair that thing was with his fist.

"Leave it, bro," Mikey shrugged. "It'll be watchable after a while."

"Why haven't you asked Donnie to look at it?" asked bewildered Leo. Repairing things was definitely Donatello's job in their little household.

"Oh, Donnie," Mikey sighed. "He is…busy."

"Busy doing what?"

"Just busy."

Leo looked at the youngest member of his clan in confusion.

"What's going on?"

Raph raised his head.

"Casey," he answered curtly. "Casey and April."

"Ah," Leo nodded. That explained a lot.

"I warned him. Actually, I warned him many times," Raph huffed. "The idiot is not listening. And now he is sulking in his lab and calls it being busy."

"L'Amore mio," drawled Mikey. "Guess, now I know how Luke Skywalker felt when princess Leia decided to make out with Han Solo. And then the screenwriters found an easy way out by making Luke Leia's brother. So lame! April isn't Donnie's sister, though."

"She almost is," Raph squeezed the arm of the couch. "I told him there's no chance."

"Ok," Leo nodded slowly. "So what exactly happened?"

"Oh," Mikey blinked. "Nothing serious, just Casey asking April on a date."

"And April?"

"April said yes."

"I see," Leo turned abruptly. He had to speak to Donnie. And he had to do it now.

OOO

The young genius of Hamato clan was looking at the big monitor intently. Onscreen, the colorful charts, diagrams and large bodies of text were following each other in quick succession. Donatello's shoulders were hunched, his eyes were tired and bloodshot, either from the lack of sleep or …

"Was he crying?" Leo wondered, looking at his younger sibling with concern. He looked bad, almost ill. The effect was accentuated by the absence of his customary mask, making visible the dark circles under his eyes.

"Leo?" Don turned his head slowly. "Do you need something?"

Leo cleared his throat, feeling himself ill at ease.

"The TV is broken again and Raph is trying to fix it."

"Oh, that bad?" Don rubbed his eyes. "OK, I'll fix it. Later. God forbid we deprive you of captain Ryan's company."

And he turned back to the monitor, clearly dismissing his elder brother. Leo was having none of it.

"What are you reading, Don?"

"That?" A long pause. "Do you really want to know?"

Leo nodded.

"OK. Biology. Human physiology. Things like that."

"Porn, in short?"

"No!" Don's mouth opened wide in shock. "It's my new scientific project. I'm looking for a way to reverse the mutations that were caused by the Kraang mutagen."

"That's…" Leo didn't know how to say it, "Huge."

"You think so?" Don's eyes lit up. "It's a pity we lost all samples of this substance, otherwise we could've already helped a lot of people to return back to their normal lives. Can you just imagine it? There are possibly dozens, if not hundreds mutated being roaming the streets of New York, hurting innocents, hurting each other, hurting themselves. And if I can find a vaccine that reverses the process of mutation, I could cure them all! Cure people like Pulverizer or Doctor Rockwell or that idiot that wanted to make a fortune by catching us fighting on his phone. People like our sensei. Or us."

His voice was barely audible when he finished talking.

"Us?" Leo didn't understand. "Do you want to reverse our mutation too? In that case, wouldn't we become just like ordinary turtles?"

"No!" Donatello shook his head. "I just want to finish the job that the mutagen had started."

"You speak in riddles, brother."

"I want to make us human, Leo."

The leader of the turtles didn't know what to say.

"What an utterly ridiculous thought, brother!" the blue masked ninja was chuckling softly, as if he wanted to turn this conversation into a joke. Don bristled.

"What's so ridiculous, Fearless? If we were human, we'd live aboveground, among the equals. No need to hide, no need to fight. We'd be able to attend school, to find a real job! Just listen, Leo, you could become a…", he was thinking fast, "a mayor! Yes, a real leader! Or an actor in your favorite TV series! And I'd be a scientist or an engineer or a doctor. And Mikey could be and artist!"

"A circus artist," Leo snickered.

"Why not?" his younger brother shrugged. "He'd certainly be an excellent one!"

"What about Raph?"

"Ah, Raph. That's difficult. I guess he'd still want to bash people's heads and knock out teeth."

"Interesting propositions, Donnie, but I have to decline. I like my life as it is. With all its ups and downs."

His younger brother's temper flared up instantly.

"It looks like you enjoy being a mutant, the despicable, hideous creature of the night?"

"So many poetic words," retorted Leo. "But we are not, as you say, despicable creatures. We are heroes. We save lives. We saved this planet!"

Donnie just scoffed.

"And what have we got in return?"

"We are not doing it for the praise! It's our duty!"

"Leo," the young genius put his hands on Leo's shoulders. "Every sentient being needs praise, recognition and …love."

Leader of the turtles nodded slowly.

"So it's really all about Casey and …April."

"No!" Donnie was quick to deny. Then, almost inaudibly, added "Yes…"

"Donnie," Leo tried to articulate his thoughts slowly, as if he was speaking to a child. "You knew from the beginning there was no chance for you…"

"Because I am a mutant!" Donatello spat back.

"Because…" Leo hesitated. Donnie was hurting, that was obvious. Did he even care for his brother's opinion?

"Because he is a human boy." Donatello finished for him. "What does she even sees in him? He is rude, uncouth and ignorant…"

_He is also loyal and funny and his moral compass is strong,_ Leo added silently.

"If she wanted the rebellious type, she'd choose Raphael, for sure!"

_Oh, poor Donnie…_

"Therefore I have to deduct that the only advantage he has over me is his … species."

There was fanatical passion in his eyes. He didn't want to admit defeat.

"If I succeed, maybe she…would…reconsider."

"Donnie," Leo took his brother's hand in his own hands. "Snap out of it! You're starting to sound like Oroku Saki!"

"What?"

"It's your jealousy speaking!"

"No!"

"It's twisting you from the inside! Don't you see it yourself? You're supposed to be a genius!"

Donnie shook his head in denial.

"Love," Leonardo said forcefully, "doesn't work like that. You can't force a person to fall in love with you. You can't order someone to love you back. April loves Casey because he is Casey Jones, with all his faults and dubious virtues. Don't you understand it, you doofus?"

"Oh, I understand. And I hoped that you too would be able to understand my feeling. After all, you and Karai…"

"There was nothing between us!" Leo denied hotly. "I never loved her, anyway, and for her it was just a sick and twisted game!"

"I see," Donnie narrowed his eyes. "It was not my intention to force you to change. You can continue with your night patrols, vigilantism and petty revenge. Just accept that for me, if I succeed in my research, it's the only chance to get something akin to a normal life. Life among humans, aboveground, in the broad daylight, under the sun." And then he turned abruptly away from his brother, back to his texts and diagrams.

OOO

Rhythmic hum of the malfunctioning TV was slowly spreading in the lair. Lulled by the hum, Mikey was fast asleep on the couch, no doubt seeing in his dream the final part of the original Star Wars trilogy. Raph was awake, though, and waiting for his elder brother's return.

"How did it go?" he asked impatiently.

"Ah," Leo just shrugged. "Not so good."

"I guessed as much. Donnie is one stubborn SOB. I just hope he snaps out of it and it happens soon. Otherwise," he looked thoughtfully at his fists, "it's me who Is going to talk to him."

Leo shuddered. Raph's 'lectures' were fast and brutal and effective. Maybe that was exactly the thing Donnie needed to cure his aching heart.

"Raph," Leo suddenly asked, "You ever wanted to be a human?"

"No," his brother answered truthfully. "What's the point? Humans are weaker than us and dumber than us and don't have our protective shells. They can't fight as effectively. They can't even save this frigging planet without our help! What's so good about being a human?"

"So," Leo continued slowly, "If you ever had a chance to become one…"

"I'd say show it!" he scowled. "No, thanks."

Leo sighed in relief. At least one of the turtle brothers still kept his cool head. Unfortunately, he couldn't say the same about himself. When Donatello mentioned Karai, Leo hasn't been totally frank with him. Yes, it was all over between them, but sometimes he wondered whether it would be different if she met a human and not a monster that fateful day.


End file.
